Update New York
Currently on my playlist is: Casting crowns "I will praise you in this storm"and "who am I", Sanctus real " I'm not alright" , Phil wickham "Grace" and Brian Littrell "In Christ alone"
There are others as well, but these songs are helping me get through a rough patch of uncertainty and change.
I have always been one to go on adventures, but I have learned over the years that my adventures seem to always take me away from what I know and place me in situations that I have to adjust to and create a life in.
Case in point: my undergraduate years. 4 different schools, 4 different lives, different friends, different churches, overall just different.
Even though I chose to go on my adventures, I was not and still am not a fan of change. But I know life is about changing, nothing ever stays the same.
There were some constants during those times:
1. Family-my family was always a call away
2. My child's friends - were always a call away (and sometimes would show up)
But above all else: God was always there. I didn't need to pick up a phone to feel his presence. He was there when I was home sick at Harding, he was there when I wanted to call home from ACU, he was there as I laid awake the night before PT school started, he was there as I drove away from home to go on my clinical and he is here with me now.
I am so grateful that God is with me through my trials. I believe the only reason I can find the courage to go, is knowing that God is here holding my hand as I step onto the subway, like a father holding his daughter's hand as he leads her into her classroom on her first day of pre-school.
Last week was tough emotionally, I won't pretend. I know myself, I know what leaving friends and family does to me...it tears at my heart... add on not knowing where I will be sleeping the next night....(sanctus real, "I'm not alright"):
I'm not alright
I'm broken inside, broken inside
But, all I go through..leads me to you...
Leads me to you
I know this sound soooo trivial and minor with all the hurt in the world. Here I was not able to get ahold of my emotions b/c of what : housing and fear of the unknown.
(casting crowns "who am I"):
Who am I
That the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Not b/c of who I am
But b/c cause of what you've done
Not b/c of what i've done
But b/c of who you are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you
Hear me when I 'm calling
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling
And you tell me who I am...I am yours
Whom shall I fear...what shall I fear.....I am yours!!
I know that alot more change will come, and with it my own insecurities will rise up and the "fear feeling" may capture my spirit for a bit.......
I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
and wiped MY tears away..stepped in and saved the day.
But once again...I say amen
But it is still raining...
As the thunder rolls..I barely hear your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I'll raise my hands and praise the god who gives..and takes away
And i'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for you are who you are....no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried...you hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart in TORN....I will praise you in this storm!!
My strength is almost gone...how can I carry on
If I can't find you
And as the thunder rolls..I barely hear you whisper through the rain, " I'm with you"
Where does my help come from...my help comes from the maker of heaven and earth
(Casting Crowns "I will praise you in this storm")
After the storm comes the rainbow
The rainbow is near...and one day I will drive through it :)
But the journey is not over and I can't do it alone...
I find it amazing the ways God brings light into our lives, and sometimes we find ourselves in darkness in order to provide light to others.
In christ alone,
PS: Besides the obvious, there is a hidden song reference within the blog..can you find it?
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