Stepping aside

I have a question. It is not a new question...I have asked myself this question many times before, but here I am again.

How come itis hard to appreciate what is in front of us?

Whenever I am away from home and my family I tend to appreciate them more, yet after being home awhile I take them for granted, feel boxed in and cannot get away fast enough. When I am away the things I can't wait to do when I get home (walking the dogs through the fields) I hardly make time for when I'm here. (haven't walked the dogs since Sept)

For example, when I know I am going to be away for a while I will find myself standing in front of my bedroom window looking out to the backyard and the cow field trying to burn the image into my mind, or taking in a deep breath with my nose buried into my horse's neck trying to burn the smell in my memory.The best was when I was leaving for Sarasota last March (I had to go to work first though), I stood in the living room saying goodbye to my parents trying my best to hold back the tears without success (the ugly face cry) at 7am. I then proceeded to cry all the way to Jackson General Hospital. Although I was excited about my upcoming adventure it was really hard to say goodbye to my parents and my home.

Now let's fast forward to this weekend......
I have to give this disclaimer: I love my parents very much, but on sat. I felt like I was10. It seemed everywhere I went: in the house, outside or wherever I was being followed by either my mother or my dad asking 20 questions. I went to the kitchen to make supper (they were going out to eat) and my Dad was hovering over me like I needed help or something. I felt like screaming out, " I can pour my own glass of milk...THANKS." Let's just say the walls had claw marks.
Now I know my Dad loves me and was probably just trying to have a conversation with me, but I was in one of my "I don't want to talk to anyone, and the more you try to get me to talk the farther I will push you away" moods.

So, I was seconds from packing a bag and heading out of here for the night. I didn't care where I was going. I had no direction, but I was going.....but then I remembered the gas prices, so I went to the barn to hide.

So, why is it we can't appreciate what is in front of us all the time?
Why on Sat when I was coming down with parental-claustrophobia didn't I go out and walk the dogs in the snow or stand in the window and appreciate the view?

If you want me to

The Pathway is broken and the signs are unclear,
And I don't know the reason, why you brought me here.
But, just b/c you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.

Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first steps,
And I'm clinging to the promise that your not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you, then I will walk through the fire if you want me to.

It may not be the way I would have chosen, when you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I never go alone.

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I 'll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to

"If you want me to" : Ginny Owens

I love the words to this song. Tonight at church Mike talked about (in my words) finding your faith, hope and trust when you have lost it, or in times where it is hard to trust, hope and have faith. It made me look back on the past few years. I remember the person I was in high school, the person I was at the end of undergrad, the person I was at the start and end of Grad school and the person that I am now.

Mike also talked about how we tend to daydream about good things that could happen to us, things we would like to happen, and how sometimes we turn those daydreams into prays, and when they aren't answered the way we thought they should have been we blame God instead of admitting that it was our dreams and not God's plan for our lives.

I can remember being in high school and I had BIG plans to be this POWERHOUSE for God. I loved people and I wanted to be there for them...to be able to let God use me however, but somewhere along the line I let life's business push aside my passion. I started making my own plans and started daydreaming. When I was a senior at UT Martin finally awoke and I heard this song.....and it scared me. When I heard the line "Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first steps, and I'm clinging to the promise your not done with me yet."I was sooo afraid that I had blown it....That I chose the wrong path....that God was done with me...that he couldn't or really wouldn't use me anymore.

I know there is not one perfect path to take..that in reality life is like the adventure book where there can be different paths that lead to the end. Like the song says, "It may not be the way I would have chosen" or really" Not the way I would have wanted, " but I Believe that God is not done in my life.

For the past few years I admit that I have been focused on school, even though I know this is the career God lead me into, that was not an excuse to not consistently nurture my relationship with God and allow him to take me where he needs me to go.

SO, even though the road has not always been a mountain top experience I know I have learned from my travels through the valley.

Hockey, Laughs, races and good times

This past weekend my friend Emily and I decided we needed to take a break from the booming metropolis of Dyersburg so we headed out to Nashville to meet Judy and Margaret. On our way out of town we made a pit stop at The Java Cafe to get our coffee fix and then hit the road. Our ETA at Margarita's was approx 12:45pm, but along the way we had a detour. There was a major wreck around the 165 mile marker and the traffic was backed up past the TN river bridge. Emily and I decided to adventure out into the hills surrounding interstate 40 and make a new path to Nashville. Exit 143 was shut down so we had to take an obscure exit and somehow ended up on a gravel road. We quickly turned around b/c we were sure the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" house was around the corner. Rocks were sprayed as wheels spun.....and we were outta there.
We finally made it to the Reeves abode about 2:40pm.

Judy appeared soon after and the laughing commenced. I am sure Emily thought we were out of our minds. We soon headed out to the Mall at Green Hill's to do some shopping before we went to eat. Apparently the mall was testing a new idea of how to separate the weak shoppers from the determined b/c the air was NOT on and you would break out in a sweat riding the escalator. The bathing suit shop was hopping.

We made our way downtown and drove around in circles, even crossing the bridge once, before we decided on a place to park. Although there was some talk about taking the shuttle from the parking lot across from the Coliseum, but I think we might have had a long wait...the parking lot was packed.

We ate at Bailey's where Amy Fulbright came and met us and then headed over to the game. Oh yeah, the service at Bailey's is still very very slow.

The Preds won. My favorite part of hockey happened like 10 times...fights!!! After the game we tried to take some photos but my hair would not cooperate and Judy reminded Margaret that she needed to switch to filtered cigs.

Nate was working the street(Central Parking) over at the Symphony so we headed to see him and then headed back to the house.

Margaret kept everyone up late talking, and we finally had to tell her it was time for bed.

On Sunday we went to church and went to Brother C. Barrel's Sunday school class,where we met a lady who lost an hour of sleep.

I will not comment on the events that took place between church and Sunday school. I will say "RED...Yellow...GREEN" and they're off!!

I had a great time spending time with my friends on our Girls night out.....no comments Jenny!

Over the years I have had the honor of becoming friends with people from all over. Sometimes when I see someone I think I know I have to think about where I know them from.....what school....what city...
I almost never get to integrate pods of friends ( at least not more than a passing hello) but this weekend I really enjoyed seeing 2 of my "worlds" come together. And as in the words of Ozzie, " I love you all..more than life itself, but your all freaking mad!"